Kim Singleton
Content creator, filmmaker, writer, and poet.

A lot of people don't know that I'm very shy and I always feel out of place when I go places because sometimes I don't know exactly what to say or exactly what to do. Do I sound smart enough or will they look at me funny? I've been in places where I'm the only person of color many times, but I find for me, you have to be confident in yourself. And I've learned that being true to who you are kind of gives everybody else a comfort level. You don't have to mold yourself to someone else, especially if you're a good person. Just be that good person and everybody has to go along with it. I think with part of the concept of belonging, people feel uncomfortable in certain situations. You have to ask yourself, why am I uncomfortable? I think once you identify why you're uncomfortable, then you can address the problem. I'll go into a room and I'll say, well, why am I uncomfortable? Because I'm the only person of color in the room? Why is that? Does that make you uncomfortable? So, I’ll make myself go talk to someone and then there's a commonality between me and that person. And so now I don't feel like I don't belong. You may think that everybody else knows something that you don't know, but you just take the attitude, I'm going to go in, I'm going to learn from these people. I'm going to ask questions. So, I think you need to identify why do you feel like you don't belong? Why do you feel like you're uncomfortable and address that particular issue, but more importantly, move forward because you're only going to get comfortable when you're more and more in that particular environment. Don't shy away from it.

I think the most important thing life has taught me is to be kind to people. I find that there's this covenant that we sing in church that be slow to take offense. I think a lot of the conflicts that we have with people, I think 90% of the time it's because we misunderstand what they're saying or we don't understand what they're going through. And any act of aggression, sometimes it's not about us. It may be about what they're going through. So always try to be kind to people and give people the benefit of the doubt. Now, there are that 10% who are mean and nasty, and you have to deal with them according to your personality. But the people that I've come across for the most part have been nice people. And I do try to give them the benefit of the doubt. And I try to be kind to people even in situations when they weren't kind to me. But that's my personality. But I can't say that me being kind to people has created opportunities for me later on. You heard the term, don't burn your bridges. I didn't burn my bridges and the opportunities came back to me. It doesn't mean that you let somebody walk over you or disrespect you. You can handle it in a way that's appropriate, but for the most part, everybody's just trying to get along like everybody else. So why not be kind to each other? And kindness is contagious. So that's why I love doing it. I love saying hello to someone or saying something or doing something to someone that makes them feel good. That makes me feel good. So, it's just very contagious. So that's what I learned in life. Just enjoy each other when we can.

I think relationships are important. I think they influence some of the actions that we take. I think when you think about who you want to surround yourself with, it should be people who are like-minded in terms of wanting to accomplish the same thing that you do. Because when you're around people that don't have the same goals and aspirations, there are going to be conflicts. Some people aren't happy for you. You heard that term haters. So, who's for you and who's not for you? And you have to surround yourself with those people so you can encourage each other. I have a tight group of friends. We encourage each other and we elevate each other. And I think that goes across the board. Whatever kind of relationship you want to have, you want to be with people who make you feel good. Number one, don't talk down to youreself. If you're around someone and that every time you're around them, they make you feel bad about yourself, that is not a good relationship. So be around people who make you feel good. Life is short. There is so much fun to have out there. Make the choice to have fun and be around people who want to have the same kind of fun that you have.

Well, I personally, I love to do a “slash action list” because I feel like I can check off what I've accomplished. And when I give people advice about it, they're like, oh, I put things on my list. I never get around to it. And I always tell them this, because you're putting the list together, you make the pieces too big and it overwhelms you. If I say I want to build a rocket ship, I'm not going to say tomorrow I'm going to build a rocket ship tomorrow. I'm going to say step one - I'm going to call somebody who knows how to build a rocket ship. Step two, I'm going to ask that person, what do I need to build a rocket ship? It could be something just as simple. It could be something on your to-do list or your action list as I'm going to call this person and they can be small segments that eventually make up the whole. So then that you're not overwhelmed. And I do that because I tend to be really busy, so I can't have an action list that requires large chunks of time, so I had to put it in smaller units. But if you do something like that every day, at the end of the year, you would have accomplished 365 things. So, I definitely believe in action lists, things that you need to do, but put them in units that are reasonable so that you can achieve those goals. And if you are consistent about it, you're going to turn around and say, you know what? I really did a lot of stuff.

For me, I've learned that dealing with it directly, calling it out to people when it happens is the best way to deal with it. Like I said, a lot of times some people may not understand what they're saying or doing to you and how it's affecting you. If they're good people, they'll try to correct it. There will be those people who are mean-spirited. And it took me later on in life to realize that. Some people who you think are nice don't really have your best interests at heart. But I believe in being honest and confronting it and just saying to that person, listen, when you said that or you did that, this is how I interpreted it and this is how you’re making me feel, and I'm having this dialogue with you so we can understand each other. So, I know really what's going on. And with the people who really didn't mean it, there's usually a good outcome. The people who really meant to do something, they either shied away, stayed away from me, or tried to do things underhanded, behind your back. They reveal themselves. So, my advice is sometimes it's just about approaching the person and just saying, listen, this is the situation. This is how I feel. Let's have a discussion about it. And their true intentions will be revealed.

I think it goes back to being intentional. I think you’re never too young to think about what you want to do. And once you think about, and that can change, but when you think about what you want to do, I think it's important to look at how do you want to get there? And then when you decide how you want to get there, it's like, well, how much time do I want to spend to get to that point? If you are doing things that waste time, it's going to take you longer to accomplish your goals and get to the point where you want to be. If you have a day, you should always relax. I believe that for me, although some people don't like this approach. I like to have a schedule. I have to have a schedule because if I don't, I may sleep all day. But one of the things I struggle with is trying to work out regularly because sometimes I'm so busy I just lay down. But I had to be intentional about that. I get up in the morning, I'll do some sort of exercise and then I'll go on with my day. So, for me, I think a schedule is good and then you can really kind of tick off each day what you've accomplished to get you closer to that goal.

I think it's never too early to have budgets. There's an old saying, when I was coming up, pay yourself first. So whatever job you had, you would always take out some money and put it aside for you first, and then you either use it as discretionary funds or paid your bills, et cetera. But I think it's important, and it all kind of ties into being intentional about what you want to accomplish. You may want to buy a house, you may want to get a higher education, you may want to invest. There's a lot of things that you want to do, but it's not going to come automatically. Everything takes planning and it's never too early to budget. And if you don't have a lot of money, think of the saying that I said before, pay yourself first You may get $10, so you take a dollar, you put it aside. If you did that every day for a year, that's $365. You could take that and put it someplace else, but if you just pay yourself first as you go on, then you'll have money as a young person and you can take this concept and when you get a job, make sure, see what kind of retirement plans your company has, such as a 401k. I know so many people who are retiring because they got into their company investment plan or 401k and just kept pushing everything into it and it would come out of their paycheck. They didn't even miss it. And then it was time to retire. They turned around and looked and they had all this money. So budgeting is always good, but make sure you pay yourself first. You take a piece of that, you put it to the side, and then you decide how you want to invest that because you'll have it.

I think it's a good idea to have long-term project management because for a lot of things that you want to do long-term, you really need to start now. You never know what's going to happen. When you're ready to buy a house, you never know what the housing market is going to be like. So, you may need to start a little house fund over here on the side. But I think that's a good idea. I think everybody needs a short-term, the action list, but also a long-term list too. I've heard this phrase before where somebody who is up in age wants to go back to school and they're like, oh, by the time I finish school I'll be 55. And they ask, well, how old will you be if you don't go to school? So, put those things in your long-term plan and think about what you want to accomplish. And you can always add, you could change, you can edit depending on what's going on in your life.